In my own land...

It was in the early part of 2007 that I went back to teaching part time in a music specialist capacity. This was very enjoyable, a break from being Mum and a chance to feel fulfilled. It was also during this time that my husband and got the wonderful news (a surprise) that we were going to have another baby.
I admit we had started trying but didn't think I would become pregnant so soon as it took us a while to conceive the first time.

I was the first one in the Mother's group to fall pregnant, however they appeared to be very supportive and caring around this time.
I suffered with 'morning sickness' for the first trimester and found that I wasn't get the support and understanding that I expected from my husband so it was a relief to get support from my Mother's group friends.....

When it came to hosting the catch ups I was told that other mums could do this (to give me a rest or that we would hold it at a park (even though I was happy to host!)
Of course later down the track this would be twisted and used against me....

I do remember that even then Julie* had suggested that I find another playgroup..if only I headed her warning!
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Cracks starting to show

I started to see cracks in this nice facade (that was the mother's group) when we had a new mother join the group. Narelle* came from Africa and was starting a new life here with her husband and child.
She obviously had no family or friends here (to begin with) and few possessions.
Therefore, I would drive her around (when possible) and tried to include her in our group catch ups.

Narelle has never commented on her first meeting with the 'ladies' in the mother's group but I can say they were very rude. They hardly gave her the time of day and treated her like an outsider.
I don't know if she was aware of this behaviour or not as I made sure she felt welcome and would organise play dates with her daughter and mine.

Narelle ended up having to go to work full time so although we kept in contact (and still do) it meant the end of her association with the 'Mother's group'.

one leaves the hive...

For a week or so after Julie* had been confronted by the bitchy Mums it was a case of 'he said, she said' as I was hearing comments and snippets of conversations from both sides.
I remained neutral as I could see why both parties were angry and I tried to get them (Druzilla*, Yvette* and Julie*) to see each others side.

It seemed to be resolved after a few weeks but then I noticed that Julie* would make excuses as to why she couldn't make the Mother's group catch ups. However, she did manage to catch up with Myself and one other mother who wasn't involved in the altercation.
Julie* actually didn't discuss what had happened with Druzilla* and Yvette* but certainly indicated that she had been offended by them.
She was leaving the country to live in Japan so she only wanted to catch up with the people she liked..

I remember after she hadn't been attending our get togethers for a while Yvette* commented "Oh It would be fine for Julie* to come along, I have moved on..it is forgotten".
I believed this comment to be genuine even telling Julie*but she just warned me..be careful!
How true!....

The playgroup saga

One of the Mums had kindly offered to organise a playgroup for us where we would use a venue and its facilities. She gave us a few possibilities for days we could hold this and we chose from the 'available days'.

It eventuated that the day that was chosen didn't suit Druzilla* as she was working that day.
Of course Druzilla (the QueenBee) was miffed about this so she rang the centre to check availability only to find out that we could have used the venue on another day (that suited her).

Instead of approaching the Mum (who organised this) in a civilised manner, she chose to 'gang up' on her with another Mother (Yvette*) during one of our 'get togethers' in a park!
I had no idea what was going on especially as one mother (Moira*) pulled me aside so that Druzilla and Yvette* could "Talk to Julie* about something.
I was very embarrassed and felt uncomfortable about the situation and promptly offered Julie* my support.

I was able to see both sides of the story (initially) as Julie* had not been completely up front about the availability of the place and stretched the truth. I realise she did choose a day that would best suit her, but that was fair enough as she was the one who suggested the idea in the first place.

It ended up getting very nasty with comments made on both sides.
What I hadn't realised though was how nasty Druzilla* and Yvette* had been to Julie*.
To the point where she stopped coming to our Mother's group get togethers and would only meet with myself and one other Mum.

I wish I had heeded her warnings as I was unaware of how calculating Druzilla and Yvette* really were.

Afternoon tea became 'high tea'

Our first get together s were usually held at a cafe or park so there was no pressure on the Mums to have people around. This progressed to sharing the hosting at our homes. At first everyone just took turns to volunteer their place.

We all decided to bring a small plate of something to make it easier for the mum hosting.
Usually this consisted of biscuits or dips or fruit, sometimes a mother would bake.

I'm not certain when it started changing but I noticed these teas became more lavish and a 'production'.
Particular Mums would go to so much trouble it looked like they were catering for a 'High Tea' at a posh hotel!
This would consist of the white table cloth with silver cutlery, bone china, cakes, petit fours, savories, sandwiches, fruit platters.....
You get the idea!

It is always nice having a special morning or afternoon tea but this sort of 'spread' is over the top and as you can imagine became a contest between certain mums..It appeared certain Mums were bending over backwards trying to outdo one another!

Silly me thought it was supposed to be about a relaxed catch up where we could share ideas and bond over our children.

Although I enjoy cooking I don't usually have the time to bake, let alone with a newborn baby so it did prove a challenge for me at times.
I was also aware that I didn't have the palatial home like some of the other mums (not that it should matter!).

As our children were growing up and becoming more mobile it was suggested that we might find a venue for a playgroup where we could use their equipment and space. One of the mums offered to find a venue and let us know availability.
This is where the trouble started and some catty mum's true colours came out!

The Journey from the beginning

My Journey began almost four years ago when I first discovered that I was pregnant. I was so ecstatic as my husband and I had been trying for almost two years without any luck!

I was still working at the time so time flew by quickly...
Nine months later I gave birth to a beautiful girl called Ella*, who became our pride and joy.

Nothing can prepare you for Motherhood (no matter how many books you read!) as every situation is different and it depends on you as well. Some people seem to be more relaxed, others are nervous...everyone is different.
I had no idea how challenging breast feeding can be (the attachment;how painful it can be initially) and I had breasts that felt like boulders because they were engorged with milk.
I actually had to use breast pads as I often experienced leakage.

This accompanied by sleepless nights can leave one feeling like "What have I done?!". However with the support of family, friends and the health center it became easier.
Where we live, after you give birth to your baby they get you in touch with Maternal health nurses and your local Maternal Health center so that you have support and can join a 'supportive Mother's group.

Initially you meet (as a mother's group) at the center once a week where you learn how to take care of your baby. When these classes are finished they encourage you to stay in contact with your mother's group so that you can be there as support and possibly friends to one another.

I was quite positive about this as a close friend of mine had a fabulous Mother's group that she is still in touch with since the birth of her son (He is eleven).
So I was open to meeting once a week or fortnight at each others place or at the park.
This was a bonding session where we would chat about our day to day lives, any challenges we were experiencing and were able to give each other (at times helpful advice)

It became evident early on that we were all strong minded women (mostly older mums) but there seemed a genuine bond amongst everyone...or so I thought....

*names have been changed for privacy issues